Have you heard the phrase “you have to do the work”? What exactly is this work that one has to do?
We live in a beautifully unique time in human evolution where through the mistakes of the generations before us, the passing down of ancestral traumas from our forefathers and mothers and the dawning in us of the possibilities of a change in our inner landscapes we are understanding that the way things have always been does not have to be the way things will continue to be – enter the Work (not to be confused with the same titled system of enquiry created by Byron Katie). In short, the work refers to the application of ourselves consciously and consistently to our inner terrain in order to effect a change in how we feel and do day to day life so that we may experience life in a manner that is unrestricted from the pains and entanglements of the past and open to a sense of freedom that may have been the stuff of dreams until we embark on the arduous adventure of dealing with who we are.
In Western cultures and societies we have been deliciously separated from a sense of who we truly are because our sense of identity is so neatly wrapped up in what we do, the type of status we attain in our occupation, appearance, pay packet, postcode, accumulation of toys and where we dine and holiday. So much of our time and mind is consumed in consuming because that is what the point of life has been talked up to be directly and indirectly. As babies our parents thoughts about our futures will in part have been concerned with the type of schools we would attend and how well we would be educated through the system, perhaps they will have started funds for us to be able to attend university at the end of our further schooling so that we could get a good education which will ensure that we can get the best type of job in order to secure a steady income so that we would be able to buy a house and repeat the cycle with our children. If education was not the way of our family thoughts may have been focused on how and where we would work to be able to earn and create a stable income so that we could consume as an indication of how well we had attained and improved on previous generations. If we were lucky along the way perhaps we would do well at work, holiday, consume and upgrade our gadgets and maybe be happy. Happiness is a definite wish that every parent has for their child – ‘I will be happy if they are happy’ yet how much attention, effort and time is spent in actively understanding and cultivating what this happiness looks like in reality? How is it tangible? And how does one work toward it?
Formal education based on my reflection and what I have witnessed through the experience of my children is heavily focused on the provision of in many senses ideas abstract to our humanity and day to day living in order to provide a basic understanding on how we ought to live and the knowledge we need in order to do this. Much of the themes are not necessary given in order to support a human in day to day life challenges and survival let alone thriving. Whilst the knowledge of Macbeth’s plight in English is curious and has moments of brilliance my application of it to my life has only come up in relation to helping my daughter understand the work for her studies. (I am not knocking Shakespeare at all; I have a healthy enjoyment and regard of the works of the Bard.) There is nothing on the curriculum which lends itself to dealing with the practical aspects of managing life – financial planning, savings, practical health and wellbeing and mental and emotional health and wellbeing. Yet at this time we are witness to the highest rates of mental health issues in a generation, figures given by mental health.org.uk state that there has been a rise from 1 in 10 to 1 in 9 children aged 5 – 15 years with a mental health disorder that is or emotional, behavioural, hyperactive or other and when young people up to the age of 19 are included in the figures this gives a rise of 1 in 8 or 12.8% children or young people. The biggest contributing disorders are linked to emotional health – the rise in anxiety and depression which rose from 3.8% to 5.8% between 2004 and 2017 in the 5 – 15-year age range. [When compared to the] it begs the question as to why some of life’s practical and real skills are left vacant from the timetable.
When we look at the stats in adults mind.org reports that 1 in 4 people will experience mental health problems in a year and 1 in 6 people will experience common mental health challenges like anxiety or depression in a week. Stress has become a throwaway part of the vernacular a relatable expression of how life is doing us, with the to do lists and activities, the switched on, tuned in, on the go-ness that we have slipped into in order to keep up and do the right thing. This is often fuelled on by the voices we hear in our incessant self-talk. Voices that urge us onwards and into the next part of life pushing us in directions that are driven by our fears, self-deprecation, undermining and unkind words – the words that often belong the others – most of them whom have been well-being and well-meaning offering these words up as warnings and careful guidance and yet they have served to cause us to stall and second guess ourselves because they were not really connected with what we were doing – but instead where unchecked projections of their authors directed as us re-perpetuating cycles. Or again words thrown at us because of the pain and unintegrated feelings of their hosts which then went to haunt us throughout our lives. It is these experiences which we continue to live day to day that everyone is privy to whether or not they are aware of it; they become the silent foundations of the epidemics of ill mental, emotional and ultimately physical health.
When we lose a sense of who we are and what we actually want in life because the external has overtaken and bombarded the internal narrative, experience and connection what we are doing starts to resemble someone else’s needs, some else’s agenda and someone else’s lives. Our life adventure is squeezed out of our own picture we no longer have any time and space in our own story; no space to breath and exist because we are trying to keep up with a life we wouldn’t even recognise if we took the time to truly take it in.
We are not taught to be with our emotions, be with our stuff so that we can heal and leave the situations in the past instead of dragging around the baggage and projecting it forward into the present and future. The idea of being emotional in public is shunned and rejected. Emotional displays are just not welcome because this makes everyone feel uncomfortable – because no one wants to have their own unwelcome emotions mirrored to them. To see another person acting out our own pain, sadness, anger or despair makes it too much to watch in front of us when we can feel the stirrings itching to escape beneath our own skin, it is much more palatable to push these feelings away, squash them down and file them away whilst we focus on being busy, preoccupied, collecting accolades and things to show just how fine we are. The absolute antithesis of the Work.
The work is – taking the time recognising what doesn’t feel good. Slowing down long enough to connect inwards. Stopping all the distractions, the numbing behaviours that distance us from our true feelings, thoughts and perspectives long enough so that if nothing else we can be honest with ourselves. These types of insights may fleetingly present themselves to us in a moment of clarity when we lose a loved one, have an accident or any other life defining moment but if we don’t let them stick around long enough for us to feel into and explore what they are trying to tell us – the deep truths, they become just another anecdote to share on the socials. When we can breathe into our honest uncensored selves, go to the dark, unwanted, uncomfortable and sheltered places and stay there long enough to see what is no good for us, try to understand what is there, why we have accepted it into our lives and what we want to change, whilst being open to making space to feel and process whatever is there so we can move forward. That is THE WORK
Why it is important to do the work is another convo ;)