There have been a consecutive string of wow moments to get to this point right here… the 11th January 2022 and the roads that have led here have not been the most straightforward or smoothest of rides - but truly when is life ever smooth?
I had endeavoured to produce a monthly offering of reflections by way of this blog, and I had kind of found my way with that idea until September 2021 hit me and began to unravel some much needed self discovery which was the catalyst for the significant and yet understated changes that followed.
In the UK (although I can only comment from my experience in England as the restrictions and time lines differed in the other countries of the union. Important to say here, this is in no way an analysis of anything relating to the pandemic just a commentary of certain dates in the timeline of it) over the summer of 2021 we came creeping out of the full lockdown we had been in since the start of 2021. The lockdown had been entered into with mixed and confusing messages, in the same vein as all its predecessors and this remained the theme for the duration. Schools were not to close and then all schools closed, dates for the end of restrictions being passed over and postponed for the future, this was the theme of the times. It was on the 19th July that all restrictions were officially lifted, nightclubs reopened for the first time since March 2020 and face coverings were no longer required to be worn in public places. To me it seemed as though the rest of July and the whole of August floated by in a sea of people taking the holidays they had missed in the previous year, catching up on the coffees and lunch dates that lockdown had arrested and it felt like a general summer vibe of less people around as they were off doing otherness. I say that knowing that my awareness was clouded by navigating the continuation of a year of firsts after losing my Daddy, which included having 3 birthdays (my eldest, his and mine) and my babygirl getting her exam results and first job over the summer months, so I may not have read the summer months as well as I believed. However, what I did read with absolute clarity was what the return to school, post summer haze vibe felt like. It was chaotic and fast and as though there had not been an enforced and life altering application of the breaks in all areas of our experience. It was very much an unibited business as usual, but on turbo charged steroids. It knocked me out because I had naively not expected it to work that way. I had thought that all the inner evaluation that a second and third set of lockdowns had brought with it would palpably change the rhythm of life and offer a more genteel and refined inner connection, but perhaps the high octane shift had been caused by the perception of life with covid 3.0, being altered après vaccin.
At first I was aware of the change because back to school tends to be marked with a flurry of activity as the autumn heralds newness - new uniforms, new books and equipment a new academic year of adjustment to new challenges and for those of us without children, the start back to school is still discernible with increased traffic on the roads and public transport and the fact that no one is really around until they settle back into the routine of school after the summer time. I was not really thinking too much about the energy I had picked up on at the start of the month, but the deeper into September it got, the more the pace stayed with me because no one was slowing down. It was as though the frenzy of catch up (for life we have ‘missed’) energy was screaming at me.
I had been invited to teach on a breathwork training course in the middle of London by the Tate Modern Gallery. This was around the time in September that there was a petrol shortage and the queues were stretching way past the forecourts as everyone was on the 900th panic buying spree of the covid era. The feeling of heightened fear, desperation and the race to consume was on and very noticable. The training course took me to London for work for the first time since December 2020 and this time it was very different. Everyone was racing around which is the way of this city, but compared to the December before which was much more cautious this felt like an assault on my senses. It was crowded and unrelenting London with its vibrant colours, smells and sounds and it was SO FAST. People everywhere running here and there. The course I was working on was about Breathwork and the work was deep and intense over a short period of time which was wonderful to witness and be a part of. This time around, I also was able to see how much this affected my energy.
The course finished right at the beginning of October and I was energetically zapped for weeks. Lethargic, drained and unable to find my mojo for a long time. By this time, I wanted to know why because the semi familiar did not feel good.
Running alongside all of this life happening, I had reawakened my curiosity of Human Design (HD). HD - The Science of Differentiation is the synthesis of ancient systems and modern science which explains our unique energetic blueprints and the gifts we are individually, divinely and energetically brought onto the earth to share with others. I first came across the system in December 2015 when I learned that I was a Projector which is one of the ways that human auras are explained. I didn’t have too much information at that time, just that Projectors were different to 80% of the population and that we were designed to read the energy of others. This bit of information resonated with me but that was it, for at the time as I was completing my breathwork training so my focus was there. Since that time I had dabbled in and out of HD as I heard more from various friends and colleagues as they had found out what their aura types were. I found out about my girls’ auras and that was interesting as we were all Projectors. Slowly and bit by bit over the years I took in more information (as this system is a labyrinth of detail and deep diving into learning) on my authority and strategy but more out of interest than application, until the collision of my energy being totally depleted in October 2021 and the desire to live in a way that that would not continue to happen.
A Projector is one of 4 energy types - Generator (which includes Manifesting Generator), Manifestor, Reflector and Projector. (You can find out your energy type here.) Projectors were not designed to generate energy in the way of the Generators, and relearning that I paved the way for a deeper understanding of why this feeling of lost mojo was semi familiar to me. I began to look deeper into my design and the mechanics it explained as HD also has links to our 64 genetic codons and I was hooked and fascinated by all the things that HD can help us understand about ourselves. There was so much specific detail and confirmation in what I learned about HD and my individual design, innate things about experiences that I had had throughout my life that could have been explained as quirks but I was seeing as in the light of singularly determined energetic aspects of who I was meant to be and that brought such a new take on how I could not only see myself but also embrace aspects of what comes naturally to me. An example is I have a 3 line in my profile which in HD is called the Martyr (there are some very specific keynotes or language used in HD which can cause confusion because of the language). The Martyr’s role is to learn about life through their own experience, learning what works and what doesn't and therefore what can be improved upon. The Martyr learns through making mistakes - hence putting themselves in a position to be called out by others for doing the “wrong things”. There are so many ways this resonated with me and my ever increasing CV of life :) and it was such a relief and rewarding experience.
What followed for me was a series of deeper learning (in true 3 line fashion I took my HD Reader’s Certification), fascination and most importantly a desire to implement my learning through application which is referred to in HD as experimentation. The whole point of the system is to apply the knowledge and profound insight into our lives and play with what we learn to help us expand and ultimately become more of our individual expression through experimenting. Even though my conscious experimentation is relatively new (less than 6 months old from October 2021) I see so many ways in which I have unconsciously been putting the experiment into practice when I was able to trust myself and my intuition (as opposed to logical thinking) enough which can be the biggest challenge we face in a world dominated by the idea that the thinking mind is only authority in our bodies. So many scientific theories and research is becoming available about the wisdom of our bodies that ancient traditions have followed for aeons and ‘modern’ science is beginning to catch up with now.
I am so delighted to have this working knowledge to add to integrate into my offerings as it provides a tangible reference point for the concepts that I have always steered the way I guide - there is another way to live, and the way you best live your life will best be guided by what feels good to you.
On all of this and how I have found my better feeling spaces I will be sharing over time through this blog and in all my other places. I am leading the sharing with one the most important pieces of my individual puzzle - I share best when I honour the ebbs and flows of my energy instead of shaming myself into working in a pattern that most others (Generators) can work to and that’s not right or wrong, it’s just different and this way I limit the potential for burnout and loss of mojo which is just not a lewk for me! I’m so excited for you to be with me on this journey and all that it allows to bring into being!
If you would like to find out more about your Human Design, you can get a Blueprint Book of You here or dive deep into an HD Reading here. Until I’m next back - love.