We are deep into exam season, Nialah (my youngest gorgeous woman child) is just over half way through her A Levels. It has been a very interesting experience for me to share with her as my eldest daughter Nikkie went a different route. Nialah has been deeply dedicated to and disciplined with her studies - it has been wonderful to witness and be instructed by; I have always felt that my children are my greatest teachers.
I have learned so much about Psychology - schizophrenogenic mothers, Milgram et al. and the double bind theory are just some of the things ringing in my mind because of the conversations Nialah and I have shared and the hours of flash card revision we have done together. (I am so excited for exams to be over as my own brain is overloaded, never mind dearest Nialah’s! 🤪) We are onto Biology now and thankfully Maths has no need of flash cards - phew!
I see so clearly the impact of everything surrounding (the environment, the vibes, the emotional temperature) acquiring and revising the knowledge needed to pass exams. Seeing it through the eyes of my children offers me perspectives I missed when I was living the experience myself and there is also the reality that life and studying has changed significantly since I was a student and my days of teaching the law.
The factors that have caused the biggest challenges to how Nialah feels about her exams are her energy levels and mental and emotional ease or tension. Because of her consistent dedication over the last two years she has put herself in a great position to be academically strong, which is a testament to her vision for herself and backing it up with the work required in order to amass an in depth knowledge of her subjects. The rub lies in the level of faith, trust and self belief she carries into each exam with her. She has absolutely everything she needs to excel, but whether she believes this to be so, is what it hinges on.
Does this sound familiar to you? Can you relate to instances in your life where your level of self belief and faith have been your potential stumbling blocks?
It breaks my heart to see her have to go through self doubt and the fear that it throws up because I see how madly gifted she is (this is also part of her 2 Line in Human Design - she doesn’t recognise her innate genius. Are you a 2 Line, or do you have any 2 Lines in your Life?). The system requires her to be on top form for the 3 sets of exams per subject or else they will have no proof that she is as knowledgeable as she is. The efficacy of the system is for another day, the target has been how to support her through this significantly important season of her life.
I mentioned earlier that I observed the impact of contributing factors in the house. I have invited myself to be intentional with curating the mood - the smells, the sounds, the level of light and very importantly the clarity of the energy that prevails. This has meant being vigilant with energy clearing the space with sage/palo santo and frankincense because I can feel the difference that it makes to the vibes and I know that means unconsciously everyone else can too. I have had to take deliberate ownership of identifying the most appropriate times for certain conversations and knowing when others needed to be tabled for after this intense period. I have been more thoughtful about when I am playing tunes for a boogie as it may not coincide with study timetables so I can remove the distraction for now. All these choices have been so different from my own experience - my understanding was, I had to learn how to fit in with what the adults around me were doing and make that work. All these choices also take into consideration that our experience extends beyond just what needs to be tended to in our brains in order to learn. When the Whole Human experience is considered better outcomes are possible.
And then there is the power of breathing - in all the ways to being supportive to learning, studying and retaining information as well as breathing for integration being instrumental in propagating the mental emotional environment most conducive to peak performance.
Part of the reason I studied breathwork and energy (Reiki in particular) was so I could support my girls with the inevitable trials and tribulations that life would throw at them as well as having tools for cleaning up the traumas of all our childhoods. At the SATs exams now 7 summers ago breathwork and Reiki were the go to tools to help keep Nialah steady and calm in mind, energy and emotions so that she could bring through her understanding peacefully in the exams. Now again at this time of A Levels when the stakes feel somewhat higher, they have been our go to secret exam weapons.
Shorter (10 minute) daily breathing practice has been accompanied with Reiki experiences and hands on channelling to bring harmony from the pressure of a relentless study timetable. Then longer breathing sessions (30 minutes) have addressed the testing emotional fluctuations caused by the anticipation of certain papers and the panic they induced. These sessions had to be worked into my timetable as non negotiables because they have been amongst the most precious bonding experiences and opportunities for support, love, service and guidance that I could offer my babygirl. They have been deeply valuable and I would certainly have been remiss of me not to make them available for her at this time.
This process has been confirmation (not that I ever felt in need of it) that these tools and using them for life changes everything. I had in my past desired them to serve as a Holy Grail that could ‘fix me’ so I could get back to the business of living, and then deeper wisdom kicked in and I understood that this was a lifestyle and not a peak experience type situation. Meaning regularity of practice was where the greatest rewards lay. Meaning that the work was always the answer that showed the way in both the most mundane and profound. Meaning that dedication to taking care of the Whole Human experience is not just nice to have, it makes a big difference, and meaning when we breathe better, we do life better - I don’t make the rules, it’s just the way it is.
The best part for me has been seeing the difference creating these therapeutic spaces has made to Nialah and the way she has held and continues to hold herself through A Level exam hell session is inspirational. My heart melted when she thanked me today for a particular breathe before one exam because she noted how different she felt going into that exam than she had felt in the lead up to it. She felt calm and relaxed and able to do the work without getting distracted by stressed thoughts - and that makes it all worth it. It makes me so proud!