I have been through such a cataclysmic metamorphosis over the last year and a bit. It has been the biggest internal shift of my life so far. Losing my Daddy brought me to the most profound and foundation shaking identity rebalance I have ever known. Becoming a mother was one of the most monumental life experiences and all the learnings and adjustments I had to and continue to make as a result were made with the support, counsel and guidance of my Dad. He was always there to talk through the confusion, the bewilderment and the pain. He was always there with an opinion (some of which I was not too thrilled to listen to) a word of wisdom, a silly joke to lighten the mood. As much as life took me to some places, he was a steadfast sounding board and lighthouse in the storm. Then he went away, because that is the way of life.
I have talked about the impact of his loss, and will continue to because it will always be with me and from here on in it continues to shape who I was, who I am, who I get to be and who I choose to become; that will not change. It has been through this ongoing journey of redefining and continuing to learn about me without him that things in my working life have gently evolved and taken shape over the last year or so.
It started with the - you know - pandemic - the global shake up of everyone’s life. That opened the space for looking at what was possible differently. I’ve said it lots of times before, possibly on other blogs as well that I was fiercely resistant to taking my work as it was then online. It made no sense to me, I could not see how breathing people could translate into the online space, I found it frustrating and annoying that that would even have to be an option and there was probably a good dose of fear sprinkled within that resistance. Then something happened. I tried online sessions as a recipient. It was part of the upgrade of my training for online facilitation. I had to have several sessions facilitated by other practitioners (also undergoing their training) and it was wonderful. There were qualities that came with receiving sessions online that were not available in in person sessions. There was a level of awareness and presence in my own process without having to be overly focused in a way that may be present in my self sessions because I was being observed, held and guided by another. My sessions were deep and nourishing which helped me to grow past the limitation experienced through my petulant resistance. They opened my heart, mind and soul to another way to work, another way to live and to thus previously unavailable infinite possibilities.
The evolution and growth continued through the first, second and third lockdowns. The latter of which marked that time at which I lost my Dad. Characteristic of this time was a deep sense of loss on all levels. There was the obvious loss of our relationship on this physical plane, but the loss I allude to was my sense of self, the clarity in what I was doing, what was coming next, how to work with continued meaning and what that meant for how I would work on a practical level. I oscillated between a deep desire to show up and do big things with women who really wanted to live a life of meaning that felt good for them in every way and not having anything in the tank to work with. I was moved to dance with unceasing ideas and inspiration and also nothingness. I knew this was part of my waltz with grief, the ongoing reintroduction of myself to me. My reality check of the duality of humanness. There were times when I felt I was so ready to move ‘back’ to business only to feel the truth that I was so far removed from readiness, the ground was still without foundation and direction was also void. I had to continue to be patient and trust that the process and next steps would continue to be available and reveal themselves to me as I stepped forward in the perfect and right time.
Life is generous and kind when we trust and allow it to be. This truth often gets lost in the noise of living fast and constant external focus. The richness of my inner world always guided me back to the next step. That was after all, all I needed to know in order to be able to make it, anything else was embellishment because how would I know what I needed until I got further along? Remembering this and being with the patience required invited me to grow faithfully.
Part of my process was the recognition that evolution in my work was non negotiable. Evolution my driving force for change, expansion and uplevelling that I could not be without in order to hold the space for others to do the same, in order to stay excited and invigorated by my work, in order to be the person I dreamed I was capable of being when all the contortion, limitation and conditioning of the past was removed. I could see it was different from change for change's sake, it was about doing the things that inspire me and those whose paths collided with mine knowing there was something way bigger than we may be able to see about how and why we came together. Something that was necessary to affect the world through who we were choosing to develop into, and how this could cause a ripple of transformation in our own worlds. It was a calling to share the things I had grown through and yet taken for granted as part of my story.
Masterclasses have been something that I have loved to utilise in my education as they provide a perfect way to take in knowledge, wisdom and deep energetic transmissions of life changing exchanges and experiences. They have been an injection of fantastic into my understanding of the things that I have been through in timely portals of wonder. They have allowed me to tune into the energies of my expansion without making the significant investments of a full blown training course making them time and budget friendly, and they have also been refreshingly accessible - taking place online so whether or not I could make the live round, I had could have ‘forever’ access to the replay allowing me to dive back into the energy and wisdom whenever I wanted - why was I not doing this in my work?
The space that grief inadvertently introduced gave me pause for thought on this and many other work related questions. I had defaulted to working in a habituated style that had been modelled for me by the organisations I had trained with as being the correct way that things ‘should’ and needed to be done. In some of the structures the hierarchy was maintained to keep order but the more I sat in contemplation, this was not a fit for me, nor did it fit with the messages that sat inside me - working with women to create another way of living - a way where they loved their lives on all levels and yet here I was feeling deep confinement of a way to do things at odds with me. The guidance was clear, a do-over was needed. Permission to find my own expression of order and offering through my work and business, something that refreshed, enlivened and inspired me, so that I could bring that power to my peeps!
Ladies, I give you the Masterclass way - a way to connect with the offers, tools, wisdom, energy and learning that helps you to take the next steps for you in your world with confidence and power. My Masterclasses will follow the format of a live recorded offering for you to be in live as they are unfolding, with a replay that you get to review (or take the class by the replay if you can’t make the live round) forever - ever, at your own pace and discretion to help embed the learning into your life and experience. These offerings will follow pertinent topics that persistently come up in my work -1:1s and the work that I am growing through the mastery of as an invitation to expand with me. I am excited to work in this way as it gives me immense freedom in what I bring to the table. It lends me the creativity to explore with my own growth so that I can share my lessons, and it makes a far wider range of topics available than past parameters have allowed for. It is also such a great way to invest in your growth at super manageable levels if 1:1 and programme (coming soon) containers are for now out of reach.
I am SUPER EXCITED to be moving with Ella.O on the Masterclass train and I will be thrilled to see you in a sacred space when the energy calls you!