I Got Lost

I had been feeling untethered and so I stepped away from the outside world.  


I sat quietly with my breath and courted my thoughts.


Have you ever felt like you were running so fast in all the wrong directions?  Doing all the things just the way other people told you to because you weren’t sure what else to do?


That was me.  


I misplaced myself. I was caught up and lost touch with what I wanted from me. It was a feeling I did not enjoy even though it was a supersized invitation for me to shake up the game, and when I did, I found my way home.

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I Cried Today

I stand for being an active participant of the world who follows their desires into creation with the high levels of presence, intention, grace and performance as a beautiful way to celebrate the best of being human.

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Everything is Changing!

I love this game. It took me a while to warm up to just how vast this version of me could become. I am still exploring what it could mean for me now, in a month, in a year.  It actually blows my mind how much space is mine to play with

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Outlier

When we realise that there is power in being vulnerable, in owning the less enjoyable parts of ourselves and our pasts, then we can stop hiding away and running from what may be exposed.  There is a sweet freedom in that. A sweet freedom in being fully embodied in our truth.


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YES! You CAN!!!

I want you to know that your life was given to you with many gifts, with may challenges and obstacles, not to make it unnecessarily hard, but to always invite you to remember who you are, and that you have SO MUCH MORE available to you that you might remember in the tricky moments when your mind takes hold.

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Proper Endings

It is super important for me now, especially in this liminal space, between worlds, as the old draws to a close and new eagerly awaits, to be purposive about how I move between the two. The seductive draw of leaping headlong into the new year and kicking away the current year without too much thought is strong.

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Shin Shin Kaizen

What if making change gets to be really easy… Would that make it more desirable to you?


I first came across the concept and practice of Kaizen in my Compliance Executive days, (many moons ago). I spent some time working in a company that had many arms to its business, one being manufacturing high end frames and casings for artwork and many other interesting things.


The Kaizen (改善) approach was introduced to manufacturing processes to help them become more efficient. Kaizen is a Japanese word that means small and continuous (good) improvement.  It was made well known in manufacturing as part of ‘lean manufacturing’, an approach developed by Toyota to reduce waste and defects whilst promoting productivity. The approach carries guiding principles based on inclusivity, curiosity, contribution and empowerment (beyond the scope of this share, but check it out if you are curious) which in essence, boil down to being actively present and aware of every part of the business whilst holding the belief that everything can be improved…..


Kaizen resurfaced as part of my Reiki studies. If you haven’t yet come across Reiki, it is a hands on healing system based on the teachings of Mikau Usui a Japanese teacher who rediscovered this ancient hands on healing potential through his study of scriptures and dedication to inner understanding. Reiki was brought to the west by Hawayo Takata and her teachings helped to support the exposure of the healing method outside of Japan.


The Reiki system consists of an integrated approach to changing one’s life which I learned as I moved beyond receiving Reiki sessions from a Reiki practitioner into studying. Level 1 Reiki is anchored in self healing (and sharing Reiki with those closest to us) which means daily self healing sessions, meditation and contemplation of the Reiki Precepts. It is from the Precepts (Codes of Practice) that the sentence shin shin kaizen Usui Reiki Ryoho is taken.  The translation loosely invites in the idea of small and continual improvement of our minds (spiritual, mental and emotional) and bodies using the Reiki system as a way to attain true happiness and connection with our true nature.


A daily life long commitment to be with ourselves, to be aware of our habits, our automatic reactions, the places we hold ourselves captive and play small all the while knowing that through this level of awareness we have a choice, we have another way to approach ourselves and our lives.  We have the option to be curious, we have the option to be tender, compassionate and kind, we have the inner resources to contribute meaningfully to who we want to be and how we want to be that way.  This is a beautiful concept and approach to the inevitable human desires - finding happiness, purpose, meaning, fulfilment, following dreams and living a life that feels good to us, for us.


Because life offers so much distraction, minutes, hours, days, months and years can pass us by without us realising the incremental shifts we acquire until what we notice in our habits, or physical experience, or persistent thoughts, emotions and beliefs becomes overbearing and we want to ‘sort’ ourselves out right away… but that is not always possible. So many components intertwine to create who we are everyday that despite the idea of immediate resolution being enticingly attractive, it is not only not sustainable, it short changes us on the magic of getting to know and understand ourselves more deeply.


Presence and the awareness presence makes available is so simple and yet so life affecting and altering. Being with ourselves, noticing the little things in the misplaced moments where we shift into safety mode and pick the thing, thought, action, reaction, feeling that has always been there (even if we don’t like it, and we don’t really want it) changes everything. The little things add up to big things over time that add up to a lifetime of unwanted things if we lose connection with ourselves. So knowing that the same can be not only true, but powerfully true and effective in the reverse is the stuff of dreams.


Taking responsibility of who we are and choosing to say yes to simple, small changes every single day knowing that they may not rock our world overnight, but with dedication, devotion and commitment they amount to a tidal wave of effective and maintainable change on all levels of our being is delicious and it gets to contribute to a lifetime of intentional, deliberate living that shapes who you are…. Are you in?


What if the Grief is Complicated?

I am beginning to understand how time can suck the life out of us if we let it. How as we ‘mature’ the number of devastating things we experience chips away at our belief that life is supposed to be fun. That joy is our birthright and that even though it can be so hard, we can enjoy commensurate levels of happiness

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The Breakfast Club

I started the Breakfast Club to offer a place for people to connect, come together, breathe, be supported, share and be seen in love, truth, non judgement and possibility - always possibility.

The Club without a direct intention became a home for exclusively women to breathe. This helped us to embody deeper characteristics of long forgotten sacred spaces where women could unburden freely. Where women could rekindle deep feminine power shared in unbridled truth. A space to explore, understand and see ourselves more clearly and have this reflected back to us.

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Depletion - Pay Attention to the Signs

Depletion stops you from being able to think straight, it stops you from being able to be fully present, it stops you from being able to enjoy the full potential of your life wherever you are along your journey. Depletion in energy, in time, in money, in emotion, in breath, in self awareness, in emotional intelligence in all the things that give life its richness and texture and my wish for you is that you are open to seeing that this is not something that you have to accept.

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The Vibes NEVER Lie!

The thing is, the vibes NEVER lie, they never lead us astray, they always guide us towards the next steps, the ones we may not even know we need, the ones we probably won’t understand until hindsight brings 20/20 vision. And that’s how experiential we as humans are designed to be, to think the things, to learn, to remember, to grow and expand and to feel all the feels - it just wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t meant to be part of our life experience.

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Masterclasses. Why?

Life is generous and kind when we trust and allow it to be. This truth often gets lost in the noise of living fast and constant external focus. The richness of my inner world always guided me back to the next step. That was after all, all I needed to know in order to be able to make it, anything else was embellishment because how would I know what I needed until I got further along? Remembering this and being with the patience required invited me to grow faithfully.


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A Little More by Design

Human Design is a system that was first shared with the world through Ra Uru Hu in 1987. It is called the ‘Science of Differentiation’ as it shows how every single one of us is uniquely gifted with talents to share with the world. Synthesising ancient wisdom systems of Western Astrology, The I-Ching, The Kabbalah Tree of Life and The Chakra System with modern quantum physics to help us understand the particular energy we are imprinted with roughly 88 days before our birth and at the time of our birth.


The map of a person’s energy is presented through a BodyGraph Mandala which is a detailed picture showing where we receive consistent and fixed energy through our physical body in our energy centres of which there are nine in Human Design, and it also shows us how the particular flavour of the energy in our centres is expressed through us in the combination of gates and channels present in our design. The BodyGraph is an intricate graphic of colours and shapes that is very intriguing and confusing to make sense of at first, but it holds some fascinating insights into who we are.


I first came across Human Design 7 years ago during my Breathwork training in Italy. One of the trainers was studying Human Design and offered to look up the Aura Types of the participants. He told me that I was a Projector, quite a rare aura type making up 20% of humankind.  He also shared general characteristics of Projectors that rang true for me at the time, and I enjoyed having the information. Over the years that followed I brushed with Human Design on and off because of the synergy between the work I was doing and the Human Design system. I later found out that both my daughters were also Projectors much to their delight as the Projector Aura Type is not designed to work  ;) 


Every time I endeavoured to look a little deeper into the system I became overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information, and much of the language that was used  - it was very specific and not what I would describe as readily accessible. But everytime it called me back I delved a little deeper into understanding what some of the terms meant. Words such as ‘Authority’, ‘Strategy’ and ‘Not Self Theme’. Unlocking each part of my particular code helped me see deeper truths in what my design showed about me. Then during lockdown life the calling to look into Human Design came too many times for me to ignore. 


It began with my ‘experiment’ with my design. The premise of Human Design is that along with giving us a detailed and very individualised ‘user manual’ to who we are, we are also encouraged to not just hang onto this information at a conceptual level, but to put in to practical application by actually ‘living’ our design in real life experimentation on what it feels like to listen to our spleen, or pay attention to our sacral authority or take the time needed to come to our decision if we are an emotional authority. We can also go deeper and pay attention to how we feel when we come into contact with family members for example so that we can become aware of the conditioning effects of others’ energy on us.  It is said that growing up in the energy of others will have an influence on how we experience and express our own energy. The more heavily influenced we are by conditioning the more we will be disconnected from and misaligned in our energy causing us to display the lower level expression of our design - the low or shadow expression. The more we decondition from the effects of external influences and energies the higher and more true or closer we will move to the gift expression of our unique design.


I found it deeply interesting the way these concepts of energy were expressed and how there were parallels in the idea of conditioning energy and the correlations that may exist with trauma.


The more I learned the more interested it became in me seeing more of how I operated in my own design, but the fascination deepened as I looked into my girls’ designs - that really blew my mind!


As the 3 of us are Projectors I could see the parallels between the way we saw life and interacted with the world around us, the little patterns and levels of energy we had which on face value I could have previously attributed to the fact that I raised them.  The detail of the information goes too deeply to ignore however.


As I started to learn about their individual authorities in comparison with mine and each other’s I was so intrigued. I have splenic authority which means I have present moment intuitive hits about what feels right and true for me. I have learned over the years that I am to ignore these whispers at my peril; this also means that I will just ‘know’ what is right, right now.  Nialah on the other hand needs time to make the correct decisions for her because she has an emotional authority. So for her, the only correct decisions come when she is able to feel her way into what feels correct for her. That vital piece of information changed so much in my understanding of our dynamic.  Because I reached my best truth spontaneously, I had expected her to be able to do the same and I would often ask her things off the cuff and not understand why this would fluster her….  The mantra for the emotional authority is - ‘there is no truth in the now’.


When she learned what having an emotional authority meant it was a relief for her, her process was articulated in a way she didn’t know she needed confirmation of in order for it to feel ‘normal’ and accepted.  Having her validated also brought me into her world, I could now adapt my style to accommodate her and this helped to smooth our interactions. The things I needed to have her considered input with, I made sure to give her the space and time she needed to work things out. 


Nikkie’s authority - ego projected made so many things jump into place it was quite wild! The ego projected authority is driven to make decisions that they have the heart and will to commit to, if they don’t feel it, it’s a no go. This had been translated into Nikkie using language which was expressed as her not ‘caring’ to do the things she didn’t want to. To me that sounded incredibly selfish, and yet it was according to her design and the way energy flows for her, the completely correct and desired way for her to act. Having this insight allowed me to look completely differently at her process and give up the frustration I felt because she was indeed honouring what felt right to her.


I continue to delve more into the magic of HD through my own experiment, my reader studies and the joy of learning my daughter’s designs.


If you would like to find out more about your Human Design Blueprint please visit this page here



Human Design and The Lost Months of 2021

I am leading the sharing with one the most important pieces of my individual puzzle - I share best when I honour the ebbs and flows of my energy instead of shaming myself into working in a pattern that most others (Generators) can work to and that’s not right or wrong, it’s just different and this way I limit the potential for burnout and loss of mojo which is just not a lewk for me!

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Awesome August

The exam results were indirectly my milestone. I wasn’t the one who was going through the process and taking on all of the direct stress of having to perform and adapt, but as a mum being in the position of support, it was all too real to both observe and also be a beacon of calm. I feel because of the general societal lack of reverence for motherhood, we tend to sell ourselves short and not fully recognise the significance of the relentless contribution we make to the lives of those we care for, dismissing it as some sort of petty bystander role, or what we ‘should’ be doing, when what we do in fact is front and center, even if we are a supporting actress and not the lead lady. We are pivotal to the success and maintenance of the myriad of moving parts that are a family.

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Jubilant July


The consequence of these fateful misses was clear to anyone who was not white in those agonising last moments of the match.

I take this as a sign that the collective unconscious is refusing to proceed along the long established paradigms. There is a sense of intolerance to nonsense, ill treatment and prejudice based on race. I hope and pray this sentiment continues to blossom.





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May Musings and the June Juice

May and June’s blogs come together because it has been a strange space for me to be in these past couple of months. Grief has been very present in many guises, and coupled with some life shifts; has made for an emotional cocktail of seismic proportions. The fallout of our reluctance or failure to dance with what life is bringing for us inevitably leaves behind traces that always catch us up whether we like it or not.

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Rejection of Ritual

This experience however got me intrigued as to how much we have disconnected from understanding the importance of ritual and rites of passage in our lives and how this disconnection and overlooking of ceremonial significance in modern life is one of the unconscious rejections of tradition that contributes to our sense of displacement.



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April 2021 - Reflections and Realisations

This past month has however highlighted and re-reminded me of the power in reflection and actively setting aside time in my work to evaluate what I would otherwise have been living and allowed to pass without the proper scrutiny it deserves

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